Photos and Article By Lauren Hansen-Flaschen

 

 

When Joan Kistler, 54, from Chester Springs, lost her mom to breast cancer seven years ago, she wanted to deal with the loss by celebrating her mother’s love. Joan and her two sisters sought out an organization to donate to in their mother’s name. While researching organizations, Joan’s sister, Jane Evans, came across the website for Mommy’s Light Lives On Fund, a non-profit organization that helps children carry on traditions that they shared with their late mother.

 

Joan’s mother, Lola, had come to terms with her illness, being an older adult and having adult children, but Lola felt deep sympathy for young mothers with young children and the heartbreak the family must go through at such a loss. For Joan and her sisters, Mommy’s Light was a perfect match to pay tribute to their mother’s compassion. 

 

In 1999, Joan had her first conversation with the Mommy’s Light Executive Director Laura Munts. Five years later, Joan became a Board Member and active force in the fundraising events that allow Mommy’s Light to operate and grow nationally. Her ongoing commitment to the organization is not due to an excess amount of time. Joan works full time as a business consultant and is on the board of several other organizations. Her involvement with Mommy’s Light is due to her deeply held commitment to the organization.

Joan’s main role at Mommy’s Light is organizing the group’s major annual fundraising event, Night of Stars, a dinner party with a silent auction of valuable donated items (all proceeds from the evening go to Mommy’s Light Lives On Fund.) This work draws on her skills and interests in event planning and fundraising while she honors her mother’s values. Plus she very much enjoys interacting with the close-knit group of women associated with Mommy’s Light. Joan says, “This is a very upbeat organization to volunteer with, though the topic is sad.”

 

Other volunteers and staff have found their way to Mommy’s Light through similar paths. Alison Niles, also from Chester Springs, found the Mommy’s Light website on the anniversary of her mother’s death. Her first contribution was designing the organization’s logo. She now is on staff as the office manager and graphic designer.

 

Milly Elrod from Downingtown discovered Mommy’s Light through her daughter, a good friend of Laura Munts’ daughter. When the two mothers met, Milly wanted to help Laura and agreed to volunteer to write grants. “I had no previous experience, but learned along the way,” Milly says. She later joined the staff for several years as the Program Director and now is the organization’s Operations Manager. Milly also continues to volunteer in various ways.

 

 

Whatever one’s specialty or interest, there seems to be a niche for it within this organization. Addressing those interested in volunteering, Joan Kistler says, “Take a look at the highest and best skills you have to offer an organization and offer it to a nonprofit.” Mommy’s Light has mastered the ability to capitalize on the talents of its volunteers and grow and develop with these unique contributions.

 

As explained on the website, the group began by one woman’s focusing on a simple act of extraordinary meaning. In August 1997, Mary Murphy, future founder of Mommy’s Light, had terminal cancer. A single mom, Mary wanted to prepare her ten-year old son Bryan for life without her. Together, they decided that Bryan would continue a tradition that they had shared for years, making butter cookies during Christmas, to help him cope and be comforted by remembering the wonderful moments they shared. Mary realized that carrying on a tradition could help all children in dealing with the loss of their mothers. She founded the Mommy’s Light Lives on Fund in October 1997. Mary died less than three months later.

 

Today, the efforts of Joan, Mindy, Alison and others make it possible for Mommy’s Light to continue Mary’s vision. These women help provide the materials and structure to organize yearly traditions for over a hundred families in Greater Philadelphia. Other volunteers visit the children each year to help carry out the tradition. These volunteers are called “Request Granters.”

 

After a family contacts Mommy’s Light (the organization never solicits participation), a Request Granter or a Mommy’s Light staff member has an initial meeting with the family. Children between 3 and 18 whose mother is in a life threatening situation or has died, are eligible to receive Mommy’s Light services. The Request Granter brings a small gift to the first meeting to help the child feel more at ease while talking about this deeply emotional issue. If there are siblings, each child is given a chance to speak separately and to decide on a tradition previously shared with his or her mother. The traditions that they choose often are surprisingly simple: planting flowers, baking a cake, going to the movies or a play. Each year the same tradition is carried out on the same day.

 

Milly Elrod, who was a Request Granter for many years, describes the visits this way: “They are amazing. The families are remarkable…. It takes a huge amount of courage to invite people into your home, especially when it is in a time of chaos.” She adds, “The kids really appreciate and look forward to being able to honor their mom.”

 

Mommy’s Light provides all materials needed to make the tradition go smoothly and be a special event. If the tradition is to plant flowers, the children will receive gardening tools and the type and color of flowers of their choice. If it’s baking cookies, Request Granters bring all the ingredients so the children can make the cookies the same way they did with their mother. The Request Granters wrap and personalize the materials for the children’s traditions with great attention to detail almost as if they were sacred.

 

 

Other volunteers, the “Request Support Team,” help with these personalized touches by sewing aprons or scarves or baking comfort foods for the children. It allows people to share what they love with others and help make the tradition an exceptional experience.

 

Currently, there is a need for more Request Granters so that more families can maintain traditions. Being a Request Granter is a unique volunteer opportunity as it offers the possibility of a meaningful role with a time commitment of just one day a year.

 

On the day of their tradition, the children often run out to the volunteers’ cars to greet them. Tracey Oberholtzer, Volunteer Director of Mommy’s Light explains, “It’s a misconception that remembering a lost mom is sad and painful because it can be joyous and fun.” In many of the thank you letters to Mommy’s Light, the children express how important the traditions are to them. 15 year-old Ravquila Schenck whose tradition is to go to the Franklin Institute wrote, “…I really want to thank you for all of the many trips you have given us a chance to attend…. On [each trip] it always feels like she is really proud of us.”

Guardians of the children also express their gratitude for Mommy’s Light help. One woman who took over raising her nephew when his mom, her sister, passed away, writes, “To see the joy on his face again has given me so much joy that I am just beside myself.”

 

There are more than 20,000 children in Greater Philadelphia eligible for Mommy’s Light Services. Every year, over 125,000 children are left motherless across the country. To reach more such children, Mommy’s Light has developed bereavement materials to guide adults on how to talk to a child about this loss. Dale Bennett, Mommy’s Light Program Coordinator explains, “If adults don’t know what to say, they say nothing.” The child then is surrounded by “walls of silence” which exacerbates the grieving. These bereavement materials are available for free on the Mommy’s Light website www.MommysLight.org. Mommy’s Light also distributes the materials to guidance counselors, teachers and family service organizations all over the country.  

 

 

For more information on Mommy’s Light services go to www.MommysLight.org

If you are interested in volunteering email bav@mommyslight.org